IF THE SCOOBY-DOO CAST WERE GREEK GRAPES (OR IS OENOFILOS ON MORE THAN WINE?)
Truly the greatest mystery Scooby and the gang ever investigated was, if they were Greek wine grapes, which Greek wine grapes would they be? Well because I am an intrepid and fearless author, I am taking this case head on. So, without further ado……
Fred: Agiorgitiko. This one is so simple as to be nearly unfair. Fred, the de facto leader of the group, tall, handsome, but just a bit square and humorless fits Agiorgitiko to a ‘T’. Agiorgitiko is everything and everywhere as Greek red grapes go, producing wines that are compelling and delicious but at times a bit “regular”. Fred may be a hero, but he is a bit vanilla doing it. Just like Agiorgitiko.
Velma: Savatiano. Smart, educated, rocker of orange turtlenecks. Under appreciated. Sounds just like Savatiano to me. (Well, maybe not the turtleneck. Grapes don’t wear turtlenecks) Savatiano has been taken for granted, ignored, and overlooked. But when its moment comes it shines with the light of a thousand suns that illuminates truth and beauty. Just don’t knock its glasses off.
Daphne: Mavrodaphne. This is a match made on Mt. Olympus. Daphne even has a Greek name for crying out loud. “Danger prone Daphne”, as she is known to the gang, is always in peril, narrowly escaping doom at every turn, just like her namesake in Greek mythology. Well, Mavrodaphne is just as danger prone. First doomed to a life of crappy desert and communion wine, only recently saved to become beautiful, multi-layered dry wines of nuance and style. Just like Daphne’s purple dress.
Shaggy: Retsina. Ok, I know Retsina is not made from just one grape but bear with me. Think about it, what wine is as totally stoned as Retsina? There are none. None I tells ya. The pine resin, the organic, ancient, of-the-earth winemaking, the total disregard of societal norms. Nothing is as weird and wonderful as Retsina. Just like Shaggy. I rest my case.
Scooby: Xinomavro. A match made in heaven, Scoobs and Xino. Frustrating, difficult, unique, indescribable, (What kind of dog is Scooby? Great Dane? Blood Hound? Texas Mutt Hound? Who the heck knows?) so loveable, and plain perfect. Xinomavro can barely grow anywhere, Scooby is a coward that goes nowhere. Xinomavro is tricky to grow and a disaster if not monitored, don’t keep an eye on Scooby? He eats a giant ham sandwich and hides under a blanket. Xinomavro when all goes well becomes brilliant wine for the ages, and just when you think all is lost, Scooby saves the day. Scooby is so Xinomavro that I deserve a Scooby Snack just for thinking this all up.
So, there you have it, Scooby and the gang as Greek grapes. Now upon finishing this you feel you have just wasted five minutes of your life, remember: “I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids!” Sorry, I had to.