Alone On Valentine’s? You Always Have Wine!

For starters, Valentine’s Day is a fake, commercialized, over-hyped, and cynical holiday that should be banished by all of us. There, I said it. I love romance, I adore love, I think passion is what makes the world go round but Valentine’s Day is about none of that. One of worst things about Valentine’s Day is its assault on single people. For some reason it is “wrong” to be single on Valentine’s Day, and since being single is somehow a crime on Valentine’s Day I propose a novel solution: date wine.

That’s right, date wine. Now I am not suggesting you become a raging wino, just that you consider a healthy, fun-loving, and warm-hearted relationship with wine rather than with an annoying human. Dating wine is so much better than dating a person. Think about it, once you have chosen a favorite, wine will never disappoint you. If you are the kind of person who thinks variety is the spice of life, what is more diverse than the wide world of wine? Always wanted to date someone from another country? Wine has you covered. Concerned about what your partner truly thinks about you? Wine is honest and caring, it’s like a Golden Retriever in a bottle that you don’t have to walk and won’t shed on the couch. Gain a bit of weight during the holidays? Wine never judges. You can also bring wine to meet your friends and they always will approve.

Dating someone often involves a lot of work, sacrifice, compromise, and disappointment. None of that occurs with a nice glass of wine. Wine brings joy, enables self-reflection, and is basically a good time even if you overdo it occasionally. You don’t have to put up a front or maintain a façade while dating wine, it accepts you for you. Always.

So, give up on humanity and take up with wine. Stick a corkscrew right up Valentine’s Day’s backside. Date wine, you’ll be glad you did. Cheers to love everybody!